Let's try this again...

Well, I decided that I preferred this blog site...tried another, but it just didn't work well for me.

This past week was very interesting...I had to go have what's called a "Functional Capacity Evaluation" at a Physical Therapy place called "Lifelines"...it was done to determine exactly what my limitations are at the present time. It was split into two days, the first for measuring exactly how far my large joints bend this way and that way...whether I could lift my legs from a laying down position, which I couldn't do w/o the assistance of the therapist. That whole thing made my butt hurt like hell..it pulled all the way from ankle to ass and made me holler out..they also poked in each and every nook and cranny of my spine, from the base of my skull to my hiney..that was pretty agonizing, as I have so many sore spots as of late. They had me squeeze this big metal thing to measure the strength of my hands..it was so heavy I had to prop it on my knee..that was considered cheating, but I really couldn't lift the damn thing. They reset it 5 times pulling it further out so I'd have to really open my hand to hold it..I had to manually put my thumbs on the outside of it just to grasp the thing. They did balance tests, which I failed being that I tend to go to the right and fall backwards from time to time..ok, truth, I hang onto any and everything available when walking just to keep my balance and stay off the floor. Some days are better than others. They checked to see how far I could turn my head, which of course wasn't much being my neck is all titanium plates and screws...this whole exam took 3 hours, and my Mom sat and watched, she was curious about the whole process... When we finished the first day, I was exhausted, sore, and very frustrated. Mom wanted to go out to eat, and we did go, but to be honest, I was sick to my stomach and hurting too much to really eat.. She took me home, and I ended up on the couch for 5 hours afterwards...I hoped that it wasn't going to be any worse on day 2, but I was wrong...
Day two started off with easy things, like walking 6 minutes around the inside of the building, I had to keep touching the wall, there were lots of right hand turns..I was proud that I stayed on my feet. They put cardiac monitors on my chest for the second day, and monitored my BP, pulse, and O2 Sats during the whole process. Every time we finished with a task, they would write down how the task affected those numbers...needless to say, they always went up. After the walk, came the hard parts. Everything changed into sets of 10..I had to walk 100 ft 10 times, then carry a basket with weights in it 10 times for 100 ft..first with both hands, then with one hand only..I literally had deep indentations in my hands from hanging onto that basket...then she made me lift the same basket and put it on a shelf at chest level 10 times, then she raised the shelf and I had to lift the basket with weights 10 times and put it on and take it off that shelf. The last thing I had to do was the most agonizing...I had to bend over as far as I could, which was only about 6 inches 5 times, then squat as far as I could, which wasn't very far, 5 times, then pretend I was passing meds and doing general nursing tasks. This was all timed, and the pretending thing kinda threw me for a loop. I mean, how do you pretend to open little unit dose meds when your thumbs don't work? And how do you pretend to answer a phone? This whole process took 3 hours, the therapist said they were trying to simulate an 8 hour work day into 3 hours...OMG...I have never been so relieved to have finished something in my whole life.

There's a part of each and every one of us who sees a test of any kind as a challenge..and something that we Don't want to fail..that's my nature...even though I knew my best wasn't good enough, I still tried.

Today is now Sunday...the tests were on Wednesday and Thursday, and I'm still recovering. My hands are swollen and sore, the back is stiff and full of muscle spasms. I would hate to think what my body would do if I had to work 5 days a week, 8 hours a day...it would kill me. I've had to use ice packs up and down my back, Lidoderm patches, and heat on my hands.

All of this information will be put into a large report and will be sent to both my PCP and Social Security Disability. They have denied me twice now..without ever laying eyes on me. I was also referred to a Psychiatrist and a Psycho-counselor because this whole process has sent me into a depression that I can't get out of on my own. There are new meds and weekly therapy sessions that will hopefully help...but it's just gotten to be almost too much.

My husband, mother, brother, and best friend Tina are very supportive, as are my twitter friends who are suffering the same diagnosis as I am. That's mywhole support system...If it weren't for these people, I'd have just given up. They keep me going...I'm greatful for this support system...cause without them, life just wouldn't be worth living anymore.

I hope this information helped...and maybe will give others some insight as to part of the whole Disability process and how heartbreaking, bankrupting, and cold the whole process is....